Yo can someone explain this shits to me?  Like I get it’s a March Madness bracket with rappers instead of basketball teams, and dudes vote instead of having rap battles or some shit (but yo that would be fucking awesome right!  IDK how you get Biggie and Pac involved tho. Maybe just smack the dudes they’re matched up against).  But how the fuck did Scott Van Pelt (who I think is even paler than me) make these picks?? 

I get that they tried to balance old school and new school.  Props cuz that shit is difficult.  But like, these seeds are fucking with me.  Jay-Z and Nas 3 seeds?  Fine, that’s just nitpicky shit when you see the 2 and 1 seeds.  But how in the motherfuck is Del Tha Funkee Homosapien the other 3 seed???  What kind of fuckin crack is this dude smoking being like “yo, Jay-Z, Nas and Del Tha Funkee Homosapien, those dudes are about the same.”  Actually I kinda wanna try it. 

And yo I wasn’t even that pissed off about Drake not being there until I see J. Cole there.  Like yo you can say you like J. Cole better than Drake but there’s no goddamn way you can make a motherfuckin reasonable argument that J. Cole gets into this shit but not Drizzy.  Like what the fuck has he done that Drake hasn’t?  He’s not even harder than Drake yo.  Like he coulda been and then he made a whole album being like yo I’m sensitive like Drake too so that whole argument is useless like a broken rubber.  Like oh J. Cole do you have a bunch of hit singles?  Oh no?  What about album sales?  Oh Drake kills you there too?  What about your guest spots?  Influence on dudes?  And don’t even come at me like Drake isn’t as good lyrically (whatever the fuck that means) cause NAS quoted the dude this past year.  When NAS quotes you, you made it.  Oh he quoted J. Cole too.  Wait, no he didn’t.  Fuckin ay.  

Anyway I guess they’re down to the quarters.  It’s Run-DMC vs. Jay-Z, Eminem vs. Wu-Tang, Biggie vs. Outkast, and Pac vs. NWA.  Shit’s hard to pick.  Let me break it down.

Run-DMC vs. Jay-Z.  Alright I know Run-DMC is called like the Beatles of rap and shit but Jay is the only dude hitting the top of the charts nearly as much as the Beatles.  And yo, sorry but I find Run-DMC’s records wicked dated.  Can’t play them.  Like sounded dated to me 10 years ago when I was 11 and didn’t know what the fuck dated meant.  Blasphemy, I know.  Fuckin save it. Jay? Still bump Reasonable Doubt, and that shit’s more than 15 years old.  Gotta go with Hov.

Em vs. Wu-Tang.  Fuck this shit.  So fuckin tough.  Toughest choice of all time.  Like, how the fuck do you pick.  I end up going with Em though cuz most of the Wu has pretty much not been relevant since Em blew up, but Em’s obviously still running shit.  Also it’s not really fair having 9 dudes against 1, but I’m pretty sure Em would slaughter at least half the Wu-Tang in a battle.  Or at least U-God

Biggie vs. Outkast.  Biggie.  He’s 1-seed for a reason.  You know how sometimes you see someone do something amazing and it inspires you to try it yourself?  Biggie’s the opposite.  He raps so good that you’re just like wow I have no idea how the fuck he came up with that and you never try rapping again.  

Pac vs. NWA.  Easiest choice in the bracket.  Pac.  HE’S FUCKING 2PAC

Deuces

PS they put Master P in there as a 16.  UUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH. NANANA