Tom Brady is underrated.  Yeah you read that right.  Underrated.  True, he was voted the best player in the league by his own peers.  And yes, he won the MVP award unanimously last season.  But.. duh.  He’s earned more than that.  Traditional accolades don’t do him justice.  Did you know that I watched multiple NFL games where the commentators went FIVE WHOLE MINUTES without mentioning Number Twelve?  Listen Cris Collinsworth, we all know that Mark Sanchez and Tony Romo are both “underwhelming” quarterbacks.  Your job is to evaluate exactly how much cock they suck in comparison to the Golden Standard, the Model of Perfection, Thomas Brady.  With kickoff only about eight hours away, here are some reasons to jump off the Brady is amazing bandwagon and onto the Brady will make football obsolete when he retires bandwagon:

Top Ten Reasons You Don’t Love Tom Brady Enough:

10. The Dream Life: Let’s be real here.  Tom Brady’s life is better than yours.  It just is.  Don’t take it the wrong way.  His life is better than everyone’s.  By any measure, he has a better life than most of us could dream up.  He’s unanimously considered the best player in the most popular sports league in the greatest country in the world.  He didn’t just marry a supermodel; he married the most famous supermodel in the universe.  And he’s pretty much the sexiest man alive (no homo but not really).  Lots of people hate him for it (Jealous Ones Envy) but in reality, he’s a model of inspiration.  Something to strive for.  Or at least feel good for.  Sometimes Nice Guys finish first.  Which brings us to our next point…

9. He’s Too Nice A Guy To Hate: There are three reasons people hate Tom Brady.  1)He kicks their team’s ass on a regular basis 2)Jealous (see above) and 3)They can’t find anything to hate about him so they assume he’s hiding something.  I mean, in theory, he SHOULD be a giant douche.  He’s got it all.  Why the fuck should he put on the humble show for us peasants?  Because he’s genuinely a better person than us.  Compare him to the most highly paid and dominant athletes in other sports.  Alex Rodriguez.  LeBron James.  Tiger Woods.  Cristiano Ronaldo.  See where I’m going with this? 

8. Redeemed Barry Bonds’ High School (HE’S NOT A CHEATER): Yes he went to the same high school as Barry Bonds.  But that’s just a metaphor.  With baseball forever tainted by steroids, and the NBA tainted by general jackassery, isn’t it nice to have a superhuman athlete who was just preordained by Nature to be more awesome than everyone else?  He wasn’t even involved in the Spygate pretend scandal.  Also, to anyone who thinks Spygate was anything more than an excuse for a giant hater orgy, look over your team’s roster and tell me that no one on that team has never roided, and then explain to me why the Colts aren’t cheaters for immediately hiring proven cheater Jim Tressel after he was fired for cheating and the NFL suspended him for that cheating. 

7. Brady, Belichick And Kraft Are The Holy Trinity Of The Patriots Dominance: The only other Patriot to play for the team since the first Super Bowl win is Matt Light.  Think about that for a second.  How many other teams in sports history have been that consistent over so long with so much roster turnover?  Montana had Rice.  Aikman had Irvin and Smith.  Outside of football, Bill Russell won 10 of his 11 titles with Sam Jones, not to mention Cousy and Havlicek being there for most of them too.  Bird had Parish and McHale for basically his entire career.  Magic had Kareem and Worthy.  Even the Yankees had a “Core Four” over the past 15 years.  Dynasties are built on a core, not on one guy… except for this one.  Unless Matt Light is secretly the greatest left tackle in NFL history. 

6. There Is No Sox, Bruins Or Celtics Equivalent Right Now (Or Since 2001): The other 3 Boston sports teams have won titles since Brady ascended in 2001.  But, building off the last point, none have been led there by just one star.  The 04 Sox were the Idiots.  The 07 team was even more faceless.  The 08 Celtics had the Big Three, which has since become the Big Four.  And the 11 Bruins lacked anyone with a tenth of Orr’s star power (sure Tim Thomas was incredible, but do you have the balls to call him the face of the team?  It’s Chara.)  When we reminisce over the glory years of Boston sports (2001-?) when Pierce, Ortiz and Zdeno have gone the way of Curt Schilling, one name will have a special air of reverence in the era of reverence: Brady. 

5. He’s Better Than Bobby Orr And Larry Bird… Already: Shut the fuck up.  It’s true.  Remove the nostalgia from the equation, and it’s clear.  How would you like to measure the shit?  By championships?  He’s already got more than Orr and as many as Bird.  By MVPs?  He has as many as Orr and only 1 less than Bird.  By playoff/championship MVPs?  All 3 have the same amount.  So why is Tom the best of the 3?  For one, he’s about to start his 10th season (not counting 2008), meaning he’ll match Orr’s number of years in Boston and Bird’s healthy years in Boston.  But he’s in much better shape to build on his legacy (get to this later).  Trust me, if Brady was to retire today, kids today would remember him the way their parents remember Orr and Bird.  But Brady’s legacy isn’t even close to finished.

4. He’s Still Getting Better: And his only rival, Peyton Manning, isn’t.  He’s in his mid-30’s and he’s coming off the best season of his career.  The only guy who was ever in his class might miss all of this season and has been on a statistical decline for years.  He’s looking to “avenge” a season where the team went 14-3 and he won the MVP unanimously.  Oh and did I mention this is FOOTBALL, where players typically have the shortest careers?  This is insane!!!  Who else ever was in a similar situation, in any sport ever?  John Elway?  Bueller?  Bueller?  His favorite receiver was coming off an ACL tear last year; now he’s fully healthy.  Every other key player is back and more experienced, oh and they added a deep threat to replace Moss, oh and the defense upgraded at every position, oh and do you need any more reasons to get pumped?  The author of the 2 greatest individual seasons in all of the big four sports of the past 10 years is in his best position to succeed since he was in his mid-20’s?  HOLY FUCKING SHIT WATCH OUT.

3. He’s Inspirational And Magical: There’s really no other way to define his story.  Like, let’s just forget the “has anyone ever been as good as Tom Brady at anything” argument and see if anyone in his strata has overcome such odds.  Every other Boston legend (Williams, Russell, Orr and Bird) were expected to be stars from the get-go.  In football, among the few QB’s who historically can hold up in a comparison, only Joe Montana was slept on at all, and he was picked twice as high as Brady!  For those who don’t know, when Brady first arrived at college, he was SEVENTH on the depth chart.  He fought and fought his way to the starting job and played well enough to get drafted after his senior year… after 198 other people.  When he arrived in New England, he had to fight his way from fourth on the depth chart to second, just in the slim chance the franchise QB was lost for a significant amount of time… which happened.  And he took the starting job away from a guy who the franchise drafted #1 overall.  And became rivals with a member of one of football’s royal family, 1 of the 2 Mannings currently in the NFL drafted #1 overall.  This is the American Dream people.  On steroids.  Or a magic spell.  Why do you think he wears #12? (Harry Potter reference! HA!)

2. He And Belichick Made The Patriots Matter: The New England Patriots were nothing before Tom Brady.  The NFL in Boston gave less reason for hope than college football (and as a BC student that kills me to say).  Now, they’re the most envied team in all four sports.  Everyone in the fucking league wants to play for them.  Other teams model themselves after the Pats.  Of course that starts with Belichick and Kraft, but let’s not forget that Bill Belichick’s record in New England the year before Brady was 5-11.  Or that every great moment in franchise history has come during the Brady Era.  He’s the only superstar in Patriots history.  He is what Jordan was to the Bulls, what LeBron should have been to the Cavs.  Which brings us to the #1 reason you don’t love Tom Brady enough…

1. There Will Never Be Another Tom Brady: Not enough people in Boston seem to understand that this is the greatest period in pro sports that they will ever witness.  Brady and Belichick are the Lennon and McCartney of the NFL.  There was never gonna be another Beatles, and we will never be spoiled with another Pats dynasty like this.  Finding another QB who automatically makes your team the favorite in every single game?  Who in one year completely reverses an entire history of being shitty? With a movie script back story?  Who wins 3 Super Bowls in his first 4 years and then gets BETTER?  A guy who the rest of the league refers to in biblical terms?  Who does everything right on and off the field?  If Larry Bird was the Basketball Jesus, Tom Brady is the Football Jesus times two.  In the expansion and free agency and pay me first era, we will NEVER EVER EVER enjoy someone this amazing for this long on any of our teams.  In fact, no one will.  So cherish it while it lasts.  Because when he’s gone you’ll never be able to watch sports the same way. 

Deuces (x6 = 12)