Reasons From Last Night’s Game That Everyone Should Be Terrified Of The Patriots (Except Their Fans Who Should Be Orgasming):

• Everything I said about Tom Brady yesterday? Understatement.  He threw for over FIVE HUNDRED yards.  500!!!  He tore the Dolphins’ defense apart like wrapping paper on Christmas morning.  Which it was.  For us.  Long Live Brady.
• Wes Welker is back.  Sure he played last season, but it was probably his worst year since joining the Patriots cuz he was coming off knee surgery.  If last night was any indication, he’s going to have a monstrous season.
• Speaking of which: the Patriots can score from literally anywhere.  99 and a half yard touchdown.  Too much swag.  Swagger overload.
• The only players in Brady’s underrated stratosphere are his tight ends, Rob Gronkowski and Aaron Hernandez.  These two combine to form easiest the dangerous tight end threat in the league.  But shhh nobody knows yet.  That’s why the Pats win all the time and everyone else is a fucking idiot. 
• Danny Woodhead can get 8 yards on a carry whenever he feels like it.  
• Albert Haynesworth has transformed this defense.  He didn’t get that many tackles or sacks, but he was a disruptive, horrifying force in the middle all night.  He was repeatedly all up in Chad Henne’s bus-i-ness, and don’t think that his presence on the goal line didn’t influence Miami’s decision to pass from within the 2 on both of those goal line stands by the Pats.
• Chad Ochocinco needs to get his shit together.  If only for the sake of my fantasy team. 
• This no huddle offense shit is so good that it literally hurts the other team’s defense.  LOL at the guy trying to cover Aaron Hernandez on that play where he slid into the end zone. 
• Leigh Bodden may end up being the most important addition to the Pats’ D this year.  Completely shut down Bess.  I think the Dolphins threw at Brandon Marshall like 500 times, and since McCourty was covering him, he only had about 10 catches. 
• BTW did anyone else get the feeling Brandon Marshall was losing this game on purpose?  Came up short after being thrown to on 2 straight goal line plays, wasted Miami’s last timeout, and then took 10 seconds off the clock at the end when he cramped up and the team couldn’t call time because he’d just blown it.  Might be a storyline developing here.
• Bill Belichick and Tom Brady are the greatest coach-QB pair in NFL history.  End of discussion.

Deuces