I Hate Myself And Want To Die
Today is the day, that we right all of the past’s wrongs, once and for all
I hope every single member of the Boston Red Sox watched the Victory 101 lecture by Professor Brady last night. Sox need to get their Pats swag on pronto
Reasons to be terrified of the 2011 New England Patriots if you are not a Patriots fan (and feel orgasmic if you are):
- The 2010 Patriots were projected by most experts to have their worst season since 2002. They went 14-2. Every key player is back. The experts’ picks are the only things that have changed.
- Think back to the 2003 Red Sox. Stop crying. Now think back to the 2004 Red Sox. I have every reason to believe that the Pats are gearing up for a similar, New York-throat-cutting rampage that will not end until Bill Belichick has gotten his Lombardi Trophy back.
- Rob Gronkowski caught 10 TD’s as a rookie tight end and he may not even be the most talented second-year tight end on the squad. It’s like our Pro Bowl receivers are almost superfluous.
- Oh, did I mention that we now have TWO Gronkowskis? Yikes.
- The following three people will be there to greet anyone who tries to run up the middle: Vince Wilfork, Albert Haynesworth and Jerod Mayo.
- Devin McCourty led the league in INT’s and made the Pro Bowl as a rookie last year. Instead of the shit corners he teamed with last year, he will lineup with Leigh Bodden, AKA Mr. I Picked Mark Sanchez Three Times In A Game.
- Wes Welker’s ACL is a year farther from surgery than it was last year.
- The Pats have no running game. They have a 1,000 yard rusher named the Lawfirm and another guy named Woodhead who had 5+ yards a carry and 10+ yards per catch. But shhh they have no running game.
- Sub Tom Brady for Tony Romo into that Cowboys-Jets game last night, Jets are 0-1.
- Peyton Manning is going to miss at least half the season. Probably all of it. Translation: Tom Brady is winning the MVP again.
- Now that the Bruins have won the Stanley Cup, the Patriots have gone longer without a title than any of the big 4 teams in Boston. If you think that isn’t going to change ASAP, then you probably think taking a bath in dead salmon and walking into the woods screaming “Come and get me, grizzly bears!” is a good idea too.
- We have the best coach and quarterback in the league. Again. The law of averages is about to drop a big giant deuce all over this 7-year title drought.
Deuces (x2 = 4th Super Bowl win coming this year)
The Pats should sign this dude right here. That’s a guaranteed Super Bowl win and Mark Sanchez nervous breakdown. Talk about killing 2 birds with 1 stone.
Only condition is, he needs to change his name. Or get a nickname at least. There’s no way I’m fuckin’ remembering how to spell Nnamdi Asomugha for four years. Not happening. It’s an abomination to the alphabet. I don’t care if it costs us 19-0.
… JUST KIDDING. I’d shoot a baby seal in the fucking face for 19-0. I can only hope TOM BRADY forgives me. Good thing he’s too busy to read this blog more than once a day.
The Heat sold their souls, Lebron would never get a Ring without The Devil's Help!
Back from my weekend :)
I’m OFFICIALLY going to Boston College! How exciting!
Sadly, in other news, I gave in to the temptations of food in Boston...
ON THAT 4-0 SWAG.. WE ARE FAR FROM DONE
lets go eagles
Sometimes I love my school.
AND SOMETIMES I FUCKING LOVE MY SCHOOL.
LMFAO SO I GUESS RIGHT NOW WE'LL GET ANOTHER DOUBLE PLAY