So Bron Bron finally finished dumping on Cleveland’s chest and got his ring. Seriously tho, got me thinking about where he ranks all-time on the “greatest NBA players of all time list.” For reference, the Bible (AKA Simmons’ Book of Basketball) has this top 20 as of the end of the 2010 season (players active at end of 2012 in bold).
- Michael Jordan
- Bill Russell
- Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
- Magic Johnson
- Larry Bird
- Wilt Chamberlain
- Tim Duncan
- Kobe Bryant
- Jerry West
- Oscar Robertson
- Hakeem Olajuwon
- Shaquille O’Neal
- Moses Malone (cut-off for “the Pantheon”)
- John Havlicek
- Elgin Baylor
- Julius Erving
- Bob Pettit
- Karl Malone
- Charles Barkley
- LeBron Jam
If you’re rooting for the Miami Heat tonight, you’ve probably never been doubted, criticized or told you weren’t good enough. You’ve probably had someone present you with an easy way out of a tough situation, instead of working your way through it. You’ve probably never understood the difference between a group of individuals and a team.
And tonight, you’re probably going to lose.
LONG RAMBLING POST ABOUT HOW THESE NBA PLAYOFFS WILL AFFECT EVERYONE INVOLVED IN THE TOP 100 NBA PLAYERS OF ALL TIME DISCUSSION
This is obviously premature, but what’s the point of speculating after the fact? That’s no fun. This is pretty self-explanatory; how does the legacy every player currently still playing in the 2012 NBA Playoffs change based on the outcome? For the record, here are the players “definitely already in” or “probably on their way in” to the Top 100 Players in NBA History:
Spurs: Tim Duncan (def.), Manu Ginobili, Tony Parker (on their way)
Clippers: Chris Paul (def.)
Thunder: Kevin Durant (on his way)
Lakers: Kobe (def.), Pao Gasol (on his way)
Celtics: Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, Ray Allen (def.), Rajon Rondo (on his way)
Heat: LeBron James, Dwyane Wade (def.)
(The Pacers have no one who sniffs this discussion right now but ironically are probably the favorites in the East with a 3-seed, home court, a 2-1 lead and Bosh out. Ironic)
Tim Duncan: If the Spurs win it all this year, and they look like the overwhelming favorites, we have to have the uncomfortable “Is Tim Duncan one of the 5 best players of all time?” conversation, which is also the uncomfortable “He is better than at least 2 of these 3: Wilt Chamberlain, Larry Bird and Magic Johnson” consequence. Look at what his resume would be:
- Best player on 5 championship teams (nobody besides Michael Jordan and Bill Russell can unequivocally boast that)
- Best player on championship teams 13 years apart (nobody besides Russell or Kareem has that longevity)
- An incredible stretch of durability that saw him miss more than 10 games only twice and more than 20 NEVER. WHAT????
- Offensive and defensive statistical dominance coupled with stable leadership that made him the best player of the NBA’s fourth dynasty (dynasty: team that won 5 titles within 15 years with the same nucleus; the other three? Russell’s Celtics, Magic/Kareem’s Lakers and Jordan’s Bulls. Wow.)
I think given these stats, it’s very hard to argue against Duncan as the #4 player of all time behind MJ (untouchable #1), Russell (greatest winner, leader and defensive player of all time) and Kareem (6 titles + MVPs, second best scorer of all time after MJ).
Manu Ginobili: With the way he’s playing and his career, a Spurs title would solidify him as the Kevin McHale of this generation, except a guard.
Tony Parker: Likewise, he’s not the leader of the Spurs but there’s a GIANT drop off in talent after him on the roster. I’d argue he’s more important to the Spurs than Parish was to the C’s or Worthy to the Showtime Lakers. He and Manu definitely make it into Top 100 all time with a title this year.
Chris Paul: I don’t think this season really helps or hurts CP3’s legacy much if the Clips keep getting smacked around by a superior Spurs team. However, he needs to play much better in Games 3 and 4 (and any others) to make people forget about the absolute shit sandwich he put up in San Antonio. His legacy will be defined by how far he and Blake can take the Clips with a decent coach and a more experienced team in the coming years.
Kevin Durant: If this dude wins a title this year, his career is already better than DWade’s right? IDK how you argue against that. He’s a better scorer, accomplished more at a younger age, was ALWAYS the best player on his team (unlike Wade, who never was except for those years between Shaq and LeBron when Miami SUCKED) and is much more durable. I’d bet good money that if he puts up similar regular season numbers next year after winning a title, he’s a lock for MVP. Even a Finals loss or a WCF defeat to the Spurs would solidify his place in the Top 100 already, and I’d argue ahead of CP3, especially with his evisceration of Kobe’s Lakers (speaking of which…)
Kobe Bryant: Shaq loves this. Kobe blew Game 2. Not the Lakers. Kobe. If they get swept out 2 years in a row (or even just 2 straight second round losses), Kobe looks shitty. Yeah he won back-to-back titles without Shaq, but you know who’s to thank for that? Kevin Garnett for getting injured in 2009 (before he went down, those Celtics were playing significantly better than the team that throttled Kobe the year before) and Kendrick Perkins for missing Game 7 of a game that saw the Lakers get about 20 offensive boards off Kobe’s misses alone (I exaggerate… slightly). Injuries are obviously a part of the game, but with new Western powers emerging and stomping a repeat-champs Lakers squad that was healthier than its two title seasons (Bynum anyone?), we have to reevaluate Kobe’s last 2 rings (and they will be his last 2 rings) more as a product of the best team in the NBA being hurt than Kobe being a great winner/champ/leader. Also, he’s not clutch. We have proof. By which I mean MORE proof.
Pao Gasol: Pao Gasol just played his way out of the Top 100 with a second-straight “OMG how do they pay him to play basketball? He looks TERRIFIED!” postseason unless this shit gets turned around pronto.
Kevin Garnett: If the Celtics make the Finals, it’s mainly because KG started playing as well as he did during his MVP season (well, almost). He and Rondo are definitely Co-MVPs for the C’s so far in these playoffs, and for KG to prove the doubters wrong and return to the Finals means we have to put him ahead of Dirk and LeBron (at least for now) on the “Greatest NBA Players of All Time Who Are Still Active” list, at #3 behind Duncan and (gulp) Kobe. If the C’s WIN the Finals and KG keeps up at this high level of play, he undoubtedly earns a Top 20 spot of all time, leapfrogging Charles Barkley and Karl Malone at the very least. He also has an excellent argument for “second greatest power of all time” behind Duncan, and depending on your feelings regarding Bob Pettit, it might not even be a discussion. (Yes I know he’s been playing center this whole time. But so has Duncan. So… yeah. You still think Malone and Barkley had better careers?)
Paul Pierce: Bill Simmons (who I base most of these rankings off of) recently wrote that we will remember Pierce as the 4th greatest Celtic of all time behind Russell, Bird and Havlicek. A 2nd title would obviously not give him as many as tons of other guys besides those 3, but he is The Captain and those 3 are the only “alpha dogs” to lead the Celtics to more titles. Considering that Simmons ranked Bob Cousy #21 greatest player of all time back in 2010, a second title with Pierce putting up a few more Atlanta Games 2 and 4’s (and not Philly Game 2’s) means he has a very good argument for top 25 players of all time, no? Sounds crazy, but in 2010 Simmons had Stockton #25, followed by Rick Barry, Bill Walton and (blech) Dwyane Wade. Pierce definitely belongs in that group if not above it.
Rajon Rondo: Rajon Rondo is playing like a fucking unbelievable animal and if they get back to the Finals, it’s the 2nd time in 3 years he’s led them there. I cannot overstate how happy I am he didn’t get traded for Chris Paul. IDK how high a Finals win with Rondo throwing up triple doubles at will puts him all time given that he’s only been a star since 2009, but he’s definitely in the top 100. Don’t think so? Simmons had Robert Horry, Arvydas Sabonis, Shawn Kemp and Chris Mullin in the 80’s. I rest my case.
Ray Allen: Reduced to a bench role, a good C’s run would help his legacy the way the 86 Celtics help Walton’s. A bit, but his place in history is pretty much set.
LeBron James: If the Heat go down to the Pacers, how is that on LeBron? Bosh is out, leaving this Heat team slightly more or slightly less talented than the shitty Cleveland teams LeBron bolted on for South Beach depending on your opinion of those teams and how Dwyane Wade plays each night (speaking of which…)
Dwyane Wade: Fucking Dwyane Wade. Just had one of the worst playoff games of all time against Indiana last night and LeBron is STILL getting blamed for the loss? WTF??? This guy gets the biggest double standard treatment of all time. Kobe’s legacy always suffered because he won those first 3 titles with Shaq. But Wade wins one with a not-quite-as-good-but-still-beastly Shaq and HE’S a born winner? Even though Shaq bolts and the Heat turn into a shit sandwich? Even though that title will always have an asterisk for some of the most fishy officiating of all time, where Wade basically just ran into Mavericks for four straight games and shot as many free throws as the whole Dallas team at some points? He’s Kobe Lite, but more fragile. There’s been this myth floating around that you can compete for a title with Wade on your team but not another top 5 NBA player - clearly not true. He’s killing the team. If he’s hurt, he shouldn’t play, but it would just contribute to his legacy as a dude who can’t stay healthy. If he isn’t, he’s sucking ass and killing his team when they need him to step up. Unless he turns it around NOW and starts shooting the fucking lights out, I think it’s absolutely insane that we consider him to have one of the 5 best careers among active players. Hell, wouldn’t an OKC title automatically give Kevin Durant a better stake to that claim?
To sum up, if things continue the way they look like they’re headed (Celtics-Pacers ECF and Spurs-Thunder WCF that’ll probably both go 7, with the C’s and Spurs being the 2 hottest teams in the NBA since the All-Star break and PROBABLY the most likely title opponents, here’s who the biggest winners and losers are individually):
- Ginobili/Parker (could be switched with Pierce)
- Dirk (more 1st round sweeps than titles??? weak)
- People who hate LeBron more than Kobe or Wade
Q: After watching Jimmy Graham dominate this season, is there any doubt LeBron would be the most impactful tight end in the NFL? Graham’s played football for a year and dominated because of his athletic ability (which pales compared to LeBron).
— Christian, Stamford
SG: Only one problem: LeBron would sign with New England to play with Aaron Hernandez and Rob Gronkowski. Somehow he’d think this made sense."
— Bill Simmons
Sports Illustrated has an article claiming that the Celtics “are offering point guard Rajon Rondo, forward Jeff Green, and two future first-round draft picks for New Orleans Hornets point guard Chris Paul” and that Paul will not be on the hook for more than next season, giving him the opportunity to leave if he so chooses. However, the Celtics hope Paul could possibly entice Orlando Magic center Dwight Howard to the team following next season, according to the report.”
I realize this is unlikely to happen, but just imagine this scenario: CP3 (who will need a new number because both 3 and 33 are retired for the C’s) hooks up with the Big 3 and leads them to one last title, including an absolute ass-whooping in the Eastern Conference Finals clincher in Miami, causing Chris Bosh to have a nervous breakdown and run screaming into the night never to be seen again, and LeBron James once again choking like a Mexican hooker on a donkey’s dick (Wade will, as always, look like he doesn’t give a fuck). THEN, KG and Allen retire, leading the way for CP3 and Pierce to team up with DWIGHT HOWARD to form an even greater Big 3 and collectively jam their cocks down LeBron James’ throat until he retires.
Also, we still don’t know where Chris Bosh is.
Just a thought
The 10 Worst Celebrity Tippers in America… you’re doing it wrong.
I don’t really give a shit that celebrities make way too much money. Like, if they didn’t, I’d feel bad shitting on them. But I really don’t feel bad saying LeBron James chokes on big fat D-Wade dick as long as he can wipe the tears from his eyes with a fat wad of hundred dollar bills and then flush it down the toilet just to see if it fucks up the plumbing. And when I see a list like this, I actually feel good about saying some shit like that. I don’t care how many fucking bottles of Circo you just bought to get your homies and hookers fucked up, asshole, you can afford to leave an extra 15% behind. Anyway, here’s the list and my personalized fuck you for all 10 of these cheapskate past-their-prime motherfuckers:
1. Tiger Woods: Oh what a fucking shocker. You mean the guy who had 13 mistresses doesn’t have any decency. WOW, I’m REALLY gonna have to reevaluate my opinion of him. Then again, he only made half as much money in 2010 as he did in 2007. Sure, it went from 120 mil to 60 mil and he’s still the highest-paid athlete in the world, and yeah maybe he “earns” all that money by getting his fucking clock cleaned in every tournament he plays. Makes sense why he “doesn’t carry cash.” At this rate, he’s only gonna be raking in 10 mil a year by 2030! Can’t afford to splurge on “tipping.” Better to let your porn star mistress do it before you bring her back to the suite and fuck her for two minutes. Then it’s back to flipping thru the address book on your phone and thinking of another reason why you hate every single person in it. God, there has never been a case of someone getting what they deserve so fantastically outside of a courtroom. Fuck Tiger Woods, and here’s to him never winning another tournament again.
2. Madonna: How could she afford to tip when Britney Spears and Lady GaGa are making all that money off her now? Plus, you think anyone tipped her back when she was an actual whore and didn’t just play one on TV? No way. And before you get upset about that joke, put yourself in the shoes of someone who spent three hours taking shit from this diva at a below-minimum wage job and then got a 3% tip. Yeah, changes shit up doesn’t it.
3. Barbara Streisand: Constantly PMSing ever since her name became an obscenity/techno song chorus.
4. LeBron James: WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHOULD I ADMIT THAT I’M A CHEAP PIECE OF SHIT WITH NO MORALS? SHOULD I LEAVE A 15% TIP LIKE ALL THE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO HATE MY PUNK ASS? SHOULD I ADMIT I DON’T KNOW HOW TO TIP WHEN DWYANE WADE ISN’T THERE TO DO IT FOR ME? SHOULD I NOT BE AN ASSHOLE? SHOULD I NOT CALL MYSELF KING JAMES WHEN I HAVE WORSE STAGE FRIGHT THAN A FIRST GRADER IN THE SCHOOL PLAY? SHOULD I ADMIT THAT I’M GOING BALD? SHOULD I JUST CHANGE MY NAME TO JAMES LEBRON AND START OVER? TELL ME: WHAT SHOULD I DO????
5. Jeremy Piven: Sometimes people are real-life scumbags, in addition to playing one on TV.
6. Usher: Maybe you could get away with leaving your autograph as a tip in 2004 when it was actually worth shit. I hope he at least left his hotel number too, I’m sure there was at least one waitress in the restaurant who still would wanna fuck Usher.
7. Mariah Carey: It’s extra sad because this is the only Top 10 celebrity list she can get on. Besides “Top 10 celebrities who’ve gotten fat as a house” and “Top 10 celebrities who married way past their prime and had to settle.”
8. Sean Penn: Funny, cause he’s the face of the so-called “liberal hippie Hollywood.” You can’t advocate raising taxes on our broke asses when your rich-as-fuck crazy ass won’t even leave a fuckin’ tip, Sean!
9. Bill Cosby: WTF?!? Fat Albert would be ashamed, Dr. Huxtable.
10. Rachael Ray: Rachael Ray wouldn’t even buy a whole fuckin’ donut when she did ads for Dunkin’ Donuts, of course she’s not gonna leave a decent tip.
There you go, the Terrible 10. Let me just close by saying fuck all rich people who don’t treat money like Lil’ Wayne. Because The 10 Worst Celebrity Tippers in America… you’re doing it wrong.
So Sports Illustrated paid some numbnuts to do a list of the top 100 NBA players in the game RIGHT NOW. And the clown put LeBron James at #1. I mean, I guess this makes sense if you didn’t just watch him crumble like a cookie in Shaquille O’Neal’s fist during the Finals. Or if you’re one of those people who thinks championships are “overrated.” But otherwise… no, LeBron is not the top player in the NBA right now. In fact, he’s not even the top player on his TEAM right now.
There’s no way you could have watched any of the playoffs this year and came away thinking anything other than “wow, Dirk Nowitzki is way better than I thought he was.” Cause he outplayed literally everyone in the league. He carried Dallas to the Finals by himself. And then he goes up against the alleged Big 3 and dominates them. IDK if there are nations that pick the best competitors by who LOSES the game, but America isn’t one of them. RIGHT NOW, Dirk is #1. He just took all challengers and spanked them. No debate.
As for the Heat, how do you explain putting James over Wade? Oh, cause LeBron had like 4 good games total against the Bulls and Celtics? Fuck that. Wade was clearly the go-to guy in the Finals, and LeBron contributed nothing. NOTHING. The Heat lost that series because of 1) Dirk Nowitzki and 2) LeBron James.
I get that LeBron is probably the most talented player in the history of basketball, and that he puts up monster numbers during the regular season. But that doesn’t mean he’s the best. Because regular season dominance against the likes of the New Jersey Nets and Cleveland Cavaliers counts for jack shit if you don’t keep it going. It’s like he’s playing poker, builds up the biggest stack of chips in the room for three hours, and then blows the whole fucking thing on the last two hands of the night going heads-up with the last opponent remaining. Would you call THAT guy the best poker player in the room? No, of course not. You’d say it was the guy who beat him.
As far as I’m concerned LeBron’s past the point of being able to redeem his reputation here. Michael Jordan and Bill Russell never ran and hid like a little bitch during a championship series, and we’re never going to forget LeBron doing that in 2011. And don’t give me that “he’s going to turn it around” bullshit. There is no fucking evidence to suggest he’s ever going to be anything other than what he’s been: a choker. And if you wanna go out there and crown him the best player in the NBA anyway, go ahead. But you’d still be fucking wrong.
LeBron James getting absolutely schooled by Taiwanese guy AKA Christmas in August
My epic project (part 4):
Pairing each of the 96 dudes from the Bill Simmons’ Book of Basketball pyramid of the greatest NBA players of all time with a famous rapper based on wholly subjective criteria: Part 4 (#24-13):
The Heat sold their souls, Lebron would never get a Ring without The Devil's Help!
Back from my weekend :)
I’m OFFICIALLY going to Boston College! How exciting!
Sadly, in other news, I gave in to the temptations of food in Boston...
ON THAT 4-0 SWAG.. WE ARE FAR FROM DONE
lets go eagles
Sometimes I love my school.
AND SOMETIMES I FUCKING LOVE MY SCHOOL.
LMFAO SO I GUESS RIGHT NOW WE'LL GET ANOTHER DOUBLE PLAY